Cheats

There are many times people ask “why do people cheat?” Many scandals in politics or detailed antics with sports stars or actors leave many of us to wonder why people in affluent positions, with gorgeous spouses and in the public eye still go out of their way to carry on a one-night stand, or a more long term relationship with anyone else. If the person they have an affair with is less attractive than the spouse they have, that increases our astonishment. There have been different types of research done to try to get a better understanding of why people cheat. Women are said to more likely be in need of emotional attention- men, physical. Biology has been a reason, “men want to spread their seed”. There have been different approaches to try to find the answer, such as evolutionary approaches or new directions our society may be taking, but still it’s difficult to determine the real answer.

Something I found interesting was in the past more men have been prone to cheating than women, but now, it’s about the same, close to 25% admitting to it. Attributes to this have been the greater likelihood of women to admit they have cheated now, than in the past, where criticism would have been much harsher. Other ideas include the gaining of different freedoms. Women have gained more power and independence. Now, many women work outside the home, therefore are in contact with more men. As we gain equal status, and similar numbers of us are cheating, what does that actually say? Women want to cheat just as much as men, but weren’t able to before? What causes us to want to stray from relationships? Does it have to do with our partners or ourselves?

However, another question to ask may be what keeps people together? With infidelity becoming more normal and divorce rates remaining steady about about 50%, what makes people either not cheat, or stay together after the fact? For many, many years people have come together in marriage. In some cases it was to earn families more power, or for financial gains. When did it become about love? Why after this much time has passed do we believe there is only one person for us? It seems silly. We grow and develop over time and it's crazy to imagine we will find someone that will grow at the same rate, pace, and direction of ourselves. Perhaps if we stopped trying to live up to the idea that one person can fulfill us, we wouldn't have to worry about people cheating at all.

How do we change gender?

It’s difficult to predict how the system of gender will change in the future. “Doing gender” isn’t the same now as it has been in the past. While the process seems slow, it continues to move forward. It seems as if the only way to drastically change the gender system is to get rid of it, although that would be impossible. I suppose if there was a way to send new born babies to some island with some mechanism for helping them survive without associating any types of gender, then we would adequately see what the situation would become.

I find it interesting that in many science fiction movies, people are all wearing the same things and everyone looks androgynous. Perhaps there will be a time when humans get so advanced, that historic social structures will seem silly?

In the meantime, it seems that our best hope is to try to change the idea of gender and its roles. We have come so far to disassociate gender with sex and I think that is a great step forward. However, people have theorized about the difference for decades now, and word doesn’t seem to bet getting out there. The first time I heard about gender being a social construction was in my junior level classes in college. It seems that the best way to change a society is to start with the youth. Teach them the differences between sex and gender before they are too obstructed by the rules of society. I think many young people are open to the idea of homosexual relationships becoming more normal. More open-mindedness and acceptance should lead to more ideas and less distractions from the archaic social constructions that have been holding people back for centuries. 

Why Are We Doing Gender?

Like many other aspects of our lives, gender is taught almost as soon as we are born. Babies are usually covered in pink or blue, depending on their sex, and small children typically stick to their assigned favorite colors for many years to follow. We get gender specific clothes, toys, chores. It seems simple to think the way our parents or significant others taught us to behave is how we are likely to behave as we mature. While our experiences and changes in society may let us expand on our ideas as we go through adolescence and adulthood, there are basic rules that were established before we even knew why.

Quite frankly, I still don’t understand why these rules are in place. Would society be to chaotic if certain male/female expectations were no longer in place? The text states that these gender rules are very good in maintaining social control, because people police themselves in the ways they behave as a result of what has been deemed “good” and “bad”.

Without sounding too conspiracy theory-ish, maintaining control over people seems to be the most useful reason for gender. If the rules were so important, why are they changing so much? People demand change, and there is change. In high-risk situations, I doubt lines could be crossed and erased so easily. Why is gender different based on race-ethnicity, religion, or class?Who keeps power with gender roles in place?  All the nuances seem to point out that gender is obviously a social construction, but who's? And why does society keep perpetuating it? 

Culture and Ideology: That Annoyingly Long Game of Telephone

I found the topic of culture and ideology in relation to gender to be less interesting than expected. Perhaps because there have been reference to the ideas before or even due to the unlikelihood of seeing large changes in my lifetime. Yes, most people live in a patriarchal civilization. Yes, it’s true women are not treated equally, even in countries that brag to maintain equal rights. Yes, despite all the progress, women are not taken as seriously as men. Yes, when men or women act outside their gender roles, there are varying levels of consequences put on them by the larger society. All of these ideas have become my norms. I’m not usually a pessimist, but I don’t expect these ideas to change for a long time. Part of the reason I don’t feel there will be any differences is because of a statement I just made, “all of these ideas have become my norms”. I have been brought up in a culture that made the previous statements (and countless other ones on gender) part of my ideology.

I’m sad to admit that when I hear the word doctor, I picture a man, and conversely when I hear nurse, I picture a woman. I would be less interested in a man that didn’t automatically pay for a date (I assume, because I have never actually paid for a date). And should I decide to get married, I’m not sure I would appreciate the fact that I made more money than my husband. What may be more upsetting is that I’m not sure I’m as bothered as I should be at some of this unequal treatment. While I don’t like the fact that I’m expected to behave or think a certain way, I really don’t hate the idea of a man taking care of me. I know the little feminist in me is probably turning in her grave, but I think everyone should have the choice of how they want to live and how they want to be treated.

I guess the question to ask is how quickly will our culture adapt to the changes in gender norms? Are we only a generation or two away? I spent almost 7 years in an extremely male dominated environment. I’m not sure how I was perceived at the beginning, but I like to think I proved my capabilities to my superiors and peers after time. However, when I think of my accomplishments, I realized they were based on the standards of being male. Being able to compete physically, through athletics, and on the job, through work performance, is where I gained respect. The males didn’t have to prove they were better than me at things seemed to be more feminine. Hmm, that seems to be a double standard I hadn’t noticed until now. Regardless, I feel the more people act outside what is “normal”, the more likely our society with shift is socially constructed view of gender. 

Intro: So it Begins

The introduction to The Sociology of Gender discussed many ideas as to what gender and sex actually mean. It’s difficult to determine these answers because there are different social, psychological, and biological factors that blur the lines of what some would think are typically male and female. While the physiology of sex isn’t exactly as black and white and some may believe, the discourse about sex and gender roles are even more difficult to explain. The fact that gender itself is socially constructed has become quite eerie to me. I find it radical for half of the population to be predetermined to behave one way and the other half dealing with the same predispositions. To think, somewhere long ago in history, different cultures, beliefs, and ideas have shaped what male and female are today. It’s almost too difficult to comprehend.

I didn’t really think of the many differences each gender faced until some of the examples noted in the reading, particularly in the beginning, when asked what would be different if I was the opposite sex today. I think being a women is challenging, but I don’t really sit around and ponder what men have to go through, especially at a time when man-hating seems to be much more frequent.

The chapter goes on to discuss changes in gender based on changes in society, much having to do with the rise of feminism. The different waves of feminism have taken steps to try to make gender roles more equal or at least to help women advance. There are so many social structures in place that have left women behind in the past, many of which I’ve never even thought of, like capitalism.

What bothers me the most is that we are all people, but because were born in a certain time with certain sexuality, there are stigmas to doing things or being things outside of what society has rendered normal. It’s amazing that with all the brilliance that human beings possess we are still these scared creatures who follow the pack. We believe what others have conditioned us to. While some things have changed, one can only hope the future will be more like those androgynous space creatures in sci-fi films. Then, and probably only then, will people start to focus on things that really matter.